What's the backstory?

ersatz \AIR-sahts; UR-sats\, adjective: Being a substitute or imitation, usually an inferior one.

Kellen, immobile in the hospital bed, forced his eyes open when the doctor began to speak.
"You're very lucky, as the pill they slipped you was rather ersatz, so it fizzled like an Alka-Seltzer once it hit your stomach. Also, you're our five hundred thousandth patient, so you win an iPhone!"
"Really?"
"No."

(A/N: Yeah, sorry for the delay in posts. Kellen's not the only one who took a trip to the hospital recently. For more details, see here. Also, the title post comes from this comic of awesomeness.)

Ruh roh!

callow \KAL-oh\, adjective: Immature; lacking adult perception, experience, or judgment.

Aaron took a deep breath. Kicking down the door would lead to gunfire and he was callow, still a greenie in the PI realm. But as Stella always said, "There's only one way to gain experience and that's by not hesistating, son."